Christina's Divergent
by churchthecat
Summary: Divergent from Christina's view. I suck at summaries but there isn't much to say. Have to have read Divergent or spoilers will eat you.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi so this is my newest fanfic let me know what you think please. I don't own the characters, Veronica Roth does. **

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Jump off a train? Jump off a moving train?! What do they think I am? A superhuman? Dauntless. I laugh inwardly at the irony. They think I'm dauntless. I suppose I am really. At least that's what my aptitude said. I always knew I wasn't cut out for Candor anyway. There really were some things that you should keep to yourself. Feel bad for leaving my family but I didn't belong there. I never really felt like I truly belonged there. And apparently I don't. I knew I wasn't Candor but I truly never expected to be Dauntless. I don't really remember how I got here. I think back to that morning. It felt like a dream now

**Morning of the Choosing Ceremony**

I look into the mirror above my dresser. This could be the last time I'm ever in this room. I decide not to think about it. There were so many good memories here but this wasn't the place for me. I felt kind of guilty about my decision. It was my life though. I couldn't stay here forever. Not if I didn't fit in. When I was younger I used to imagine growing up here. Getting a job in the Merciless Mart, marrying a man dressed in his smart suit. Sitting on our porch watching our children running around the garden. It seemed perfect at the time. I understand now, I can't stay here.

"Christina!" My mother called "Time to go"

Well, looks like this is it. I turn of my light and close my door behind me. Leaving behind my old life. I go down the stairs one at a time, looking at each picture hung up on the wall, being transported back to my childhood memories. It was time to go now. This wasn't my life anymore, I can't pretend it still is. I look into my mother's eyes when I reach the last step, even though I was above her our eyes were at the same level. I saw the fear and love in her eyes. She knew. She knew what I would decide, I'd be surprised if she didn't, she was Candor through and through. I was sure she always knew.

"Don't worry, Chrissy." My mother said, her eyes filling with tears. "I will love you no matter what."

I take my mother into a great bear hug. My tears falling down my face. My heart clenches when she reverted back to my childhood nickname. She hadn't called me that in years.

"I love you, mummy. I won't forget you. I promise." My mother pulls back from the hug, wiping the tears from my face with her thumb.

"Be brave, Christina."

We walk arm in arm, gathering with the throng of people, being pushed towards the Hub. This was my life, it was only just beginning.

We walked into the Hub together and waited with everyone else to get the next lift. I noticed all of the stiffs walking up the stairs in unison. Sometimes I respect them and sometimes downright odd. Why would you go up all those flights of stairs? They move in a sea of grey. I shake my head in disbelief and walk into the lift, squashed into the corner by the sheer amount of people. The temperature in the small lift was clambering and I was clammy. My hands are sweating but I'm not sure if it's from the heat or from the massive life decision I'm about to make. I'd say the latter.

We reach the top floor and my mother hugs me before I have to go with the other soon-to-be initiates.

"Don't worry." My mother whispers into my ear. "It's time for you to go. I will love you forever."

We walk in opposite directions. I won't see her for weeks. I've never been away for more than a day before. I know that I will miss them but I think it's the right decision. I remember my mother's last words and straighten my back. If I'm going to be in Dauntless I have to be brave.

I go and stand in line, I don't even pay attention to the kids by my side. It won't make a difference anyway. I know I have to be brave but I can't help but be afraid. I don't want to leave my family, but I don't want to stay. My whole childhood flashes in front of my eyes. Almost like this is my death. But it's not death its being reborn. I vaguely hear Marcus make his opening speech.

"Welcome." He bellows, his voice echoing through the room. "Welcome to the choosing ceremony" he spread his arms wide, indicating towards us. I zone out after this only catching the odd word. All I can think about is my family, the ones I will be leaving behind. They are the only things I will regret in the future. For just now I relish in memories. My sister, my mother, my father. I remember the good memories. The times we all smiled. I remember the bad memories, when arguments would go on for days. That was the problem with Candor. I didn't want to be in arguments but if you can only tell the truth then there is always going to be something we don't agree on. I usually just pretended, keeping up the façade for my father's sake. He was the only one who cared. He took so much pride in his faction. I never wanted him to be disappointed in me. I hear Marcus call my name. I walk up to the big metal bowls, there are 5 there but my eyes focus in on two. My two. One filled with glass and the other will coal. One represents my family and the other represents a new life. MU hand wavers and I meet my mother's eyes across the room. She gives me a small nod, that was all I needed. I work up my resolve, slicing my hand and hold it over the Dauntless bowl. I hear the thunderous applause of my new family. I look over to the people dressed in black and white. I'm on the receiving end of some seriously bad looks but my eyes meet my mother's and she smiles. For once I had made her proud.

"Be brave." She mouths to me. Her eyes filling with tears. I turn around and walk to stand with the Dauntless initiates. I too was a Dauntless initiate. My life was about to begin.

Soon the Ceremony is over. We run out the room, us transfers turn to go to the lift but everyone carries on.

"What's happening?" an Erudite boy yells.

"Just go with it!" I shout back, running to catch up with everyone else. I ignore my earlier doubt of why anyone would choose the stairs and follow suit. This wasn't like Abnegation. We weren't running in unison as one. We were running together as individuals. A smile lights up my face. This is where I'm meant to be. My shouts of joy join the others, a sense of elation lighting up my spirit. We run through the front door, panting for breath. My body was burning but it was good. I finally felt something. I belong. These are my people. I follow the Dauntless around the corner, towards the train tracks. I cringe inwardly, I know what's about to happen. I've watched them before. I chose to be here. I have to do this. I hear the train in the distance, its headlights lighting up the group. I hear murmurs around me.

"Oh no. Are we supposed to jump on?" I hear someone mutter. I was about to reply when a Stiff answered for me.

"Yes" she says. She doesn't sound nervous at all. Not what I expected from and Abnegation kid. She's the only Abnegation here. I don't suppose many of them transfer into such a wild faction. We all spread out into a thin line as the train get closer, I stay with the transfers. We all sprint along next to the last carriage, I quickly throw myself sideways and land awkwardly in the carriage. I stand up and notice that the Stiff still isn't on, she's close but not close enough. I grab the edge and reach out to grab her arm, pulling her on board.

"Thanks you." She says breathlessly.

"That's ok." I say, my eyes widening as I catch view of a ginger erudite whose falling behind. His friend reaches out to get him but he's too far away. He falls to his knees and I can see that the Stiff is feeling uneasy. I can see why. We just watched someone's life end before our very eyes. That boy will be factionless from now on, I would rather be dead than factionless. The Stiff goes very pale.

"You all right?" I ask. The stiff looks up at me, probably noticing my height. All the woman in my family are tall. The stiff nods at me.

"I'm Christina." I say, putting my hand out, remembering too late that the Abnegation generally avoid contact. She sticks out her hand and shakes mine, her clammy hand almost limp in mine.

"Beatrice" She replies. I look at her then, taking in her narrow face, long nose and turned down mouth. She's not pretty but with some make-up she sure could be a stand-out. Her blonde hair glistens in the light, I want to talk to her more. I've never spoken to a Stiff before, they don't really beg for attention.

"Do you know where we are going?" I yell over the roaring wind. She doesn't answer me but instead sits on the floor. I raise an eybrow, was this a sign of weakness or did it mean something.

" A fast train means wind, wind means falling over. Get down. " She tells me. Smart, she could almost be an Erudite. I wish I had that kind of intuitive. I sit down next to her, huddling against the wall. I can barely hear her over the strong wind but I hear some words.

".. guess…. Headquarters… don't… where…is." I get the gist of what she is saying.

"Does anyone?" I ask a smile playing at my lips. "It's like they just popped out a hole in the ground or something." I smile at her, I think maybe one day we could be friends. The wind in the carriage gets stronger and stronger, causing plenty of initiates to fall over, causing an almost comedic scene. I smile a Beatrice, acknowledging her idea. We sit in comfortable silence, watching the world outside her. We don't pass Candor but I see Beatrice sit up straighter as we pass Abnegation, all I can see is churned up road and identical houses. How boring.

"They're starting to jump!" my head snaps up. Why am I surprised, they expected us to jump on. Why wouldn't they expect us to jump off?

**Back to the start.**

All I can see out the window is rooftops. Even worse. They expect us to jump from a moving train and on to a rooftop?! I feel the adrenaline rush through me. There is no way I'm going to be factionless. I have to jump. I will make it. It isn't an option, my life has only just begun and I'm not giving it up for anyone.

"Well, I'm not doing it." Said a sniffy boy behind me.

"You've got to. Or you'll fail. Come one, it'll be alright." I encourage the boy. I don't want to see anyone else fail today."

"No it won't! I'd rather be factionless than dead!" He said, mirroring my earlier thoughts but in the opposite order.

"You can't force him" Beatrice says calmly.I see the sense in her words. I give up. I can't drag him of the train, then we'd both die. I'm not ready yet. I'm suddenly as scared as the boy. But this is my life now. If I can't do this then I am not Dauntless. I hold out my hand to the Stiff. My lips pressed in a grim line.

"Here." I hear myself say. She raises an eyebrow at me. Probably thinking that I don't think she can do this. That's not it. II don't think I can do this. "I just… can't do it unless someone drags me." I didn't want to admit this but now I have, I am afraid of heights. Not very Dauntless but I wasn't always here.

"1…2…3" Tris counts. And we jump. I feel a sense of weightlessness. The air flying through my hair, a feeling of such freedom. I am overcome with such a rush. I'm completely exhilarated. We tumble to the ground, loosing our grips of each other's hands, I stand up and dust myself off.

"That was fun." I smile at Beatrice, who just gives me an odd look. I look around me and see everyone standing up. A shocked look on their face. I can't believe we all made it. Suddenly a wail calls out, so high that the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I look down and see a girl on the pavement below, her arms and legs all bent awkwardly, her hair fanning her body. Suddenly I am aware of how high we are. Bile rises in my throat, I step away from the edge and walk towards the middle, hearing attempts to calm the poor girls sister. I hear laughing but I'm still in a daze. I've never seen anyone die before. It wasn't nice. I hear Rita still sobbing in the background and some boy making fun of Beatrice. I come to and am about to make a retort when someone clears their throat.

"Listen up! My name is Max! I am one of the leaders of your new faction! Several stories below us," I gulp at the mention of the height "Is the members' entrance to the Dauntless compound. If you can't muster the will to jump off, you don't belong here. Our initiates have the privilege of going first."

I hear a lot of commotion but I'm too scared to listen. I look around, willing someone else to go first. The Stiff steps forward, I try not to let my shock become obvious and give her encouraging looks. She walks forward, looking brave, I wish I was that brave. The wind makes her clothes fly about her skinny body. It should make her look weak but it doesn't, she looks powerful. She stands on the edge, a silhouette against the skyline. I watch her fumble at her neck, as if taking off her shirt. Wait. That is what's she's doing. She turns around and throws it at the boy who made fun off her. She smiles and turns back, and she jumps.

Everyone looks around. As if daring someone else to go. What the Stiff did was amazing. Everyone looks at their feet. I look forward. This is my time. I walk forward, keeping my eyelevel even. I stand on the edge and look down. I see a dark hole, who knows what there? This is my life now. I need to live. I am Dauntless, not Candor. I was born for this. I keep my breathing level and a jump. I was ready.

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**Please review and if you like it I will write another chapter. Thanks for reading! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi so this is it. I hope you like it! Special shout out to ElenaDeonta, dossiliebies, CapturetheFinnick, AbbieL1033, livingfandom and alexbellefan for reviewing! Thank so much lovelies it means so much to me!**

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I land with a thump on the net below. Giggling I let two people pull me off the net. Well that was positively exhilarating. I shoot a smile at Beatrice, who I can barely see in the dimness. I hear another body come tumbling through the air and land with a jolt. I reach my hand out and help to pull them off. The weight of this body knocks me to the ground, tumbling on top of it.

"Hi." A gruff voice says. Boy definitely a boy.

"Hi." I say back, my voice smaller than usual. Probably due to the fact that he was squishing me.

"I'm Will" He nods at me.

"Christina." I say. His voice is warm and smooth, like honey or caramel. I stand up and offer him my hand. He pulls himself up and swings an arm over my shoulder.

Once everyone had finally worked up the nerve to jump we got to leave that dark chamber. Finally some light. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust but by then it was too late. I stumbled into someone, nearly knocking both of us to the ground. Thank God they god me.

"Thanks" I mumble, embarrassed by my tumble. I look up and see Will smiling at me. I almost stick my tongue out but some important looking girl interrupts me.

"This is where we divide, the Dauntless born initiates are with me. I assume _you _don't need a tour of the place." She shot them all a massive smile and turned to leave with them. Favourites much, I mentally stuck out my tongue at her back. Not physically though, I have that much restraint. I look around me, checking out the competition, there is, of course, Beatrice (who I am told is now called Tris), Will, everyone else is either dressed in Candor or Erudite clothing. I feel bad when I realise we have lost three already. Maybe I wasn't made for this. But I better adapt. Survival of the fittest, as they say.

A man comes to stand in front of us. I didn't notice him before, he kind of blended in. I suppose you could say that he was extremely handsome, not my type but I good view might be nice in what could be a hellhole.

"Most of the time I work in the control room, but for the next few weeks, I am your instructor. My name is four." Four? Four? That's not a name. What could he have done to earn the name four?

"Four? Like the number?" I blurt out. Christ I have no control over this whatsoever.

"Yes. Is that a problem?" He says, raising an eyebrow in distaste. Maybe I belong in Candor more than I thought.

"No." I reply before my no-filter brain can get me into even more trouble.

"Good. We are about to go into the pit, which you will someday learn to love. It-"

"The pit? Clever name." Uuuugh. Not again. Damn, why couldn't I have been born a Stiff or something? This is mental. Apparently I'm not the only one who has this thought process. Four walks up to me in a menacing manner. He leans in close to my face, so close I can smell his breath. Eww. I refuse to flinch, staring straight into his cold eyes.

"What's your name?"

"Christina." I don't want to sound weak but I do. I clearly have control problems.

"Well Christina," He hisses at me through his teeth, inches from my face. "If I wanted to put up with Candor smart-mouths, I would have joined their faction." Damn he was rude. "The first lesson you will learn from me is to keep your mouth shut. Got that?" I nod. I try really hard not to let my anger show on my face or my stupid mouth from getting me into more trouble. He finally gets out of my bubble and walks away through a tunnel. I hang back to walk next to Bea-no wait Tris.

"What a jerk." I mutter to her.

"I guess he doesn't like to be laughed at." What a Stiff! I wasn't even laughing at Four. Just Dauntless names in general. I suppose she's right though. Maybe I should learn to be more careful around here. We walk into a large cavern. Shaped like a pit, well now I feel stupid.

"Oh, I get it." I say absentmindedly, taking in my surroundings. This cave is mind-blowingly big. Wonky walls rise up from the floor, towering above our heads, rock formations dotting the ceiling. Built into the rock surface are shops and leisure places. I look around, noticing the small skinny paths leading to and from these doorways. Oh dear. I'm not sure whether life here will be fun or short. Several hundred feet above us are glass planes, forming either a ceiling or a floor. Who knows? The view is breath-taking, the light from the ceiling/floor was casting a golden glow across the walls, catching the soft lines of quartz in the walls, causing a rainbow type glow. There are blue lanterns dotting the pit walls, lighting the paths. As we stand there the sun must set, the lights come to life, as do the Dauntless. They run around the compound, laughing, screaming, racing, having fun. I can't wait to be one of them. For my life to be a fun, adrenaline filled chaos. There are small children sprinting across the tiny paths, giggling and chasing each other. Their happiness is infectious and soon I am smiling along with them.

"If you follow me I will show you the chasm." Four interrupts my thoughts, causing my attention to go back to him, back to now, back to whether or not I even have a future here. We follow through to an insanely dark part of the pit, soon the floor changes from soft, worn rock to metal, the noises of the Dauntless drowned out by the noise of the torrential water. I stand at the edge of the barrier, almost hanging over. Down below all I can see is a mass of water, moving and churning as fast as I have ever seen. I've never seen bodies of water larger than this before, all the ponds and lakes inside the fence have been dry as long as I have known. Whit sprays of water fly up onto my face, I laugh into the oncoming water, it's so free. I hear the water churning, as loud as a train carriage, or a million Dauntless.

"The Chasm reminds us that there is a fine line between bravery and idiocy! A daredevil jump off this ledge will end your life," He shouts over the noise, "It has happened before and it will happen again. You've been warned." I stand back from the edge, fascinated by the transition of the fast moving, foamy water to the calm, almost clear water. I could see right through to the jaggy rocks below, carved into by the flow of water.

"This is incredible." I tell Tris, almost giddy with happiness.

"Incredible is the word." She nods. Four leads us away from the Chasm and through a hole in the Pit wall. We enter a bright room, causing my eyes to object to the strong contrast from the dim cave. Oh yay! Four took us to the lunch hall! I hear the strong chatter and clinking of cutlery that only reminds me of one thing. Food. As if on cue my stomach rumbles. The Dauntless al notice us and start to clap and cheer, their excitement spurring me on. These are my kind of people. I smile at Tris, the excitement of the hall filling me up. She gives me a smile back, the happiest I have ever seen a Stiff. We walk together to try and find a table, not the easiest but we manage. We sit at an almost empty table, Tris sits next to Four and I sit next to some older Dauntless who I, obviously, don't know. I hear Tris and Four having a conversation, something about the burgers.

"You've never had a hamburger before?" I ask incredulously. How could you have never had a hamburger? It's such a basic food. Oh wait. Abnegation. They probably view hamburgers as a waste of animal or far too much fun a food to be served to mere humans. God, they can be so weird.

"No. What's it called?" Tris asks, not surprising me at all.

"Stiffs eat plain food." Four replies, implying that I should know this. I do it's just, no filter.

"Why?" I ask, probably a stupid question to them.

"Extravagance is considered self-indulgent and unnecessary." A burger? Self-indulgent? It's a burger for heaven's sake.

"No wonder you left." I say absentmindedly.

"Yeah," she said rolling her eyes, "It was just because of the food.". Sarcasm, funny, for a Stiff. I see Four start to smile and I smile to. Suddenly a quiet settles over the room. I look over Tris' head, not hard. A man walks forward, his hair practically dripping with grease, like a mop dipped in a fat frier. His face is covered in piercing, the only blank spot being his eyeballs. He definitely achieved looking scary; hopefully that's what he was going for. His eyes were pale and cold as they gazed over all the crowd. He has on heeled boots and you can hear each and every step he takes, kind of scary. He stares at us all with an almost impenetrable hatred. As if we are the scum of the earth.

"Who's that?" I was finally glad that we were sitting with Four.

"His name is Eric. He's a Dauntless leader." A leader? From what I can see of his face he looks quite young.

"Seriously? But he's so young." Four gave me a weird look, seems like the ice cold manly façade is back.

"Age doesn't matter here." What even matters here? I was about to ask more questions when I hear the clip clop of boots on the floor. Eric's boots. He's coming right here. At our table. His cold glare finds Four and he plops into the seat next to him.

"Well, are you going to introduce me?" He says in a gruff voice, nodding towards Tris and I.

"This is Tris and Christina." He says his voice imperceptibly colder when he says my name.

"Ooh. A Stiff." He says, smiling in a completely terrifying way, his piercings stretching with his lips. "We'll see how long you last." He said the last part in a menacing tone, his eyes lingering on Tris far longer than necessary.

He taps his scabby hand off the table, creating an irritating tune. His eyes meander across the table, as if checking the competition.

"What have you been doing lately, Four?"

"Nothing, really." He shrugs. I wonder if there is tension here, whether or not these men had ever gotten on. Maybe they used to be friends? Who knows? They start having a conversation about that man Max from earlier, something about meetings that Four wasn't attending. To be perfectly honest my attention was being completely absorbed by my burger. It's the best tasting thing I have ever had. Suddenly Eric claps Four on the shoulder and walk away. I watch both Tris and Four breath a sigh of relief, I shrug and shovel more fries in my mouth. I got my priorities straight.

"Were you a transfer too?" I hear Tris ask Four, bringing me out of my cake daze.

"I thought I would only have trouble with the Candor asking too many questions." Ouch. Anyone can be curious, or outright. "Now I've got Stiffs too?" He tells her coldly.

"It must be because you're so approachable. You know. Like a bed of nails." I'm proud of my new friend. She has some balls about her. He stares at her, cold and unfriendly. I wouldn't even stare back that evenly. HE was scary, it was the first day.

"Careful, Tris."

Tris turns around to look at me. I raise an eyebrow to say that was ballsy.

"I'm starting to develop a theory." I tell her.

"And that is?"

"That you have a death wish." I say, returning to my burger.

After dinner Eric leads us initiates down to our dorms. I have to admit he scares me less than he did earlier. He just seems like a power hungry bastard. We walk along in silence, Eric's presence dampening all of our moods.

"For those of you who don't know," All of us. We're transfers idiot. "My name is Eric. I am one of five leaders of the Dauntless. We take the initiation process very seriously here, so I volunteered to oversee most of your training

"Some ground rules, you have to be in the training room by eight o'clock every day. Training takes place every day from eight till six, with a break for lunch. You are free to do whatever you like after six. You will also get some time off in between each stage of initiation."

At home I used to get more free time than that but it sounds nice to have something to do with my day, a point to what I was doing. This sounded fun.

"You are only permitted to leave the compound when accompanied by a Dauntless. Behind this door is the room where you will be sleeping for the next few weeks. You will notice that there are ten beds and only nine of you. We anticipated that a higher proportion of you would make it this far."

"But we started with twelve." I point out, it wasn't our fault, like he was implying, but rather it was his. For making initiation so hard for some transfers. I wait to get in trouble, once again, for my lack of filter. Surely by this age I should be much better at social interaction. It didn't work like that. For me anyway.

"There is always at least one transfer that doesn't make it to the compound." At this my mouth opens wide, we had three, no wonder he was disappointed. Eric shrugs. "Anyway, in the first stage of initiation, we keep transfers and Dauntless-born initiates separate, but that doesn't mean you are evaluated separately. At the end of initiation, your rankings will be determined in comparison with the Dauntless-born initiates. And they are better than you already. So I expect-"

"_Rankings?_ Why are we ranked?" A dull Erudite asks. Eric smiles coldly at her, reminding me of a creepy doll. His smile looks as if it was painfully carved into his face.

"Your ranking serves two purposes, the first is that it determines the order in which you will select a job after initiation. There are only a few _desirable _positions available." I'm guessing by the tone of his voice and his general cockiness that he got one of those posts. "The second purpose is that only the top ten initiates are made members." Well then.. that is not good. I might never be Dauntless.

"_What?"_

"There are eleven Dauntless-born and nine of you. Four of you will be cut at the end of stage one. The remainder will be cut after the final test."

"What happens if we get cut?"

"You leave the Dauntless compound and live factionless." Eric said impassively.

I know this should scare me but if, anything, it boosts my moral. I have to get in the top ten. It's not a choice. I will not be factionless. All around me people hide their cries and anger. Some better than others.

"But that's… not fair!" Molly shouts, "If we had known-"

"Are you saying that if you had known this before the Choosing Ceremony, you wouldn't have chosen Dauntless?" He shouts back. "Because if that's the case, you should get out now. If you are really one of us, it won't matter to you that you might fail. And if it does, you're a coward."

He opens the door wide.

"You chose us, now we have to choose you."

As I listen to the sobs of the other initiates that night I ponder his words. Would I have chosen differently if I had known I might go factionless? Or rather had a higher chance of failing initiation. In fact I'm sure at home I would have had just as hard a time of it. One stage of initiation is to go under truth serum. How many things would I blurt out that I didn't want to? How hard would I fight the effects? A hard as possible is the answer.

I listen to the sobs from around me. Would these guys have chosen differently? Maybe for them it isn't to get away, maybe they had to leave, maybe they just wanted to be here, maybe they thought it would be easier. I hear the creak of the bed boards as I roll over, tucking my pillow over my ears to drown out the crying. There's no point in crying, it won't fix anything. Crying just makes you groggy and depressed. I need to come out fighting not worrying, winning not moping. I had answered my earlier questions. I wouldn't have chosen any different.

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**Let me know what you think please! I will love you all as much as Dauntless cake! Please follow me on twitter TheMortalLlama and you can ask any questions you like about it. PLEASE review! Love you all!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys. So I wrote this chapter, let me know what you think please. A lot of the speech in this fanfic is taken from the book because Christina and Tris are in the same room qutie a lot, obviously, because they are both initiates. I don't own the characters or the speech from the book, obviously, Veronica Roth does. So let me know what you think.**

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_I'm running through a cold corridor, fluorescent lights dye the walls a tinge of blue. I feel lanky hair lying on my back, slapping me with every step. I hear the rhythm of my bare feet slapping against the cold ground. My heart was pounding above all else. It speeds up with every step. I feel more and more anxious. Thump. Thump. Thump. I hear someone running behind me. Gaining on me. I rush forward, feeling the cold hard metal of a gun in my hand. I place my finger on the trigger, growing accustomed to the alien feel. I run around a corner skidding out of sight. My heart beats faster than my feet as I run further, white walls changing to black. I feel as if I am trapped. Being chased. I skid around another corner only to come to a stop as I see the barrel of a gun. I hear the boom and nothing._

I wake up gasping, feeling hot tears welling in my eyes. I can't cry here. I jumped up out the bed and ran to the showers, trying to hide. I hop into the shower and turn it on, the cold jets hitting me right in the face and calming me down. I stay in here until I can control my emotions. The cold shower helps me remember why I am here. Why I need to be brave. I step out the shower and go to get change, ignoring the looks I get from Molly and Peter. I ready myself for the difficulties that I was sure to face today. I put on some yoga pants and a black shirt. May as well fit in, No?

It was about an hour after breakfast and we were all standing in the training room. We were huddled in the middle, waiting for Four to arrive. As we wait I let my mind wander. My eyes drift up to the high ceiling, light peering through foggy glass windows, The room is dark, grey walls, floor, ceiling. Along the walls are targets. Shooting practise I suppose. Kind of ironic considering my dream last night. I recall the feel of the cold metal in my hand, the terror that gripped my heart as I stared down the barrel. My eyes drift towards Tris, who looks small and tired in this room. The grey of the walls highlights the grey under her eyes. Four walks into the room.

"Line up. One by each marker." He barks as he strides through the room. We stumble to our places, I stand next to an Erudite and Peter.

"The first thing you will learn today is how to shoot a gun. The second thing is how to win a fight. Thankfully, if you are here, you already know how to get on and off a moving train, so I don't need to teach you that." He smiles a bitter smile as he presses a gun into my hand. His comments make me think of those we already left behind, my eye draws to the empty spaces on the floor. I see each of them as it ended, the ginger boy falling right next to the train, his life ending right there, the boy who refused to jump of the train, Rita's sister, the one who fell off the roof. I shudder as I remember the way her body looked, broken and bent, like a toy or a dummy. I look up and notice that Four has started talking again. I need to stop getting distracted, pay more attention. This is now a fight for my life.

"… preparation eradicates cowardice, which we define as the failure to act in the midst of fear. Therefore each stage of initiation is intended to prepare you in a different way. The first stage is primarily physical; the second, primarily emotional; the third, primarily mental."

"But what… what does firing a gun have to do with… bravery?" Peter mumbled, yawning as he did so. Uh oh.

Suddenly Four places his gun on Peter forehead. I watch as Peter's mouth freezes mid yawn in an almost comedic way. I hear the bullet slide into place, I see Peter's adams apple bob up and down as he gulps in air.

"Wake. Up. You are holding a loaded gun, you idiot. Act like it." Four growls in his face. I watch Peter flinch. As someone who has also been treated this way by Four, I would like to say that I sympathized with Peter. But I don't. If anything I relish in the fact that for once in his life Peter isn't going to get his own way. I watch his eyes harden as Four lowers the gun. I know this look. I remember this look from when we were all just innocent Candor children

"_Ouch!" I yelled as Peter pushed me down to the ground. "I'll tell on you!"_

"_Oh yeah? Who is going to believe you? You're a freak! You don't belong in this faction." I looked up at him. I didn't know how he knew but he did. He knew that I didn't tell the truth. He knew that the adult didn't trust me. He reached down and plucked my lunch from my hand._

"_I'll be having this freak." I stared up at him. He said people wouldn't believe _me. _Surely that meant that he also lied? That he didn't fit in. _

"_So if I tell on you what will you say?" I said, attempting to con an answer out of him. _

"_That I didn't do it of course."_

"_Wouldn't that be lying?" I asked innocently. _

"_What-no-I-um-not-I… No!" He said, looking flabbergasted "That would be impossible!"_

"_So," I drawled, staring up at him. "You don't fit in either do you?" I didn't want to upset him. I just wanted to know someone who felt the same way as I did. It was like I stuck out like a sore thumb. _

"_I am not a freak." He hissed. "You are a freak but not me." His eyes hardened. From this day forth he was going to make my life a living hell. And he did. _

When I come back to Peter's face is blushing in humiliation. Now he knows how I felt for our whole childhood. I try not to show it on my face but this makes me particularly happy.

"And to answer your question… you are far less likely to soil your pants and cry for your mother if you are prepared to defend yourself." I have to put in extreme effort not to laugh at the mental image of Peter cowering on the floor in dirty underwear and his face streaked with tears. It's a nice dream. Four turns and walks down the line of initiates, closer to me. "This is also information you may need to learn later in stage one. So, watch me."

I watch as he stands in front of the target. He is facing it front on, his feet shoulder width apart. He levels the gun with his eyes, his shoulders lined with muscle. His back expands as he readies himself for the shot. He pulls the trigger and I see the others flinch at the noise. I don't. I don't look away from his movements. I need to do this right. I can't do badly. It just won't do.

I look at my own target and think of my mother. She let me come here, if I do this for anyone it's for her. She was the best role model I could have asked for. I look again and think of my father. He wouldn't have approved of this. He didn't approve of me. Period. He hated me from the moment he realised what I was. He disowned me the moment he realised that I didn't belong in our faction. To him that meant I didn't belong in his family. _Faction before blood. _He believed this so strongly that he left us. He left us for another family all because I was not a Candor at heart. He was so disgusted by me that he hasn't acknowledged my existence since I was 7. I shouldn't think of this now. I steel my heart. If I am going to make it through initiation I can't let my weaknesses show.

I look at the target and then down at the gun in my hand. Now or never. I pull it up, trying to imitate Four exactly. I have to get this right. Peter can't win again. I stare at the Target, squinting one eye to try and focus on the centre. I pull at the trigger, my first shot too gentle. I miss the board by miles. The boy next to me sniggers, his shot had gotten much closer. I try again, this time ready for the shock. I put the right amount of tension on the trigger and hit the target, on the edge but it's still there. I feel my mouth turn up into a smirk. Out of the corner of my eye I see Will telling Tris that she sucks. Clearly an Erudite. I never noticed before. After the second round I hit the bulls eye and most of my shots after that reach the target. I feel a sense of satisfaction as I look at my target, it is covered in bullet holes. I compare it to others and though mine isn't the best it most certainly isn't the worst. I see Tris' target which has tonnes on the edge but not too many in the middle. I look at Four's target, each bullt he had shot landing perfectly in the middle. I hope someday I can be that good. I hope someday I can belong as much as he does.

After another couple of hours shooting we leave the training room, finally leaving behind the smell of guns and metal. I like the transition from the pale grey boring room into the natural forming hallways, the walls a blend of plaster and rock. We head towards the cafeteria Tris stretching out her arms and making appropriate faces. My muscles hurt too. How could they not after staying so still for so long, my back hurts from the recoil of the small gun. Which was larger than I thought it would be. I see a large boy walking on his own, Al I think.

"Hey, you want to sit with us?" I ask, bouncing on my heels.

"Umm sure?" He says. He doesn't sound very sure but it's a start. I would hate to be completely lonely in a place like this.

Later we sit at the table, eating our lunch.

"Oh, come on. You don't remember me?" I ask incredulously. I remember him. Al used to sit in behind me in maths. He never had to answer questions and he never did any work. "We were in maths together just a few _days_ ago. And I am _not_ a quiet person."

"I slept through maths most of the time! It was first hour!" He retorts. To be fair I do remember hearing snores from the back quite often. In fact now that I think of it. Always.

"I can't believe you don't remember me!" I whack his arm.

"Sorry!" He mock shout back.

"Do you remember being in any of my classes?" I ask Tris, who doesn't even look at me. I stare at her, trying to see if she will notice me. Nope

"Tris," I drag out the word, trying to wake her. "Anyone in there?" I snap my fingers in her face. She jerks back in surprise and try not to laugh.

"What? What is it?"

"I asked if you remember ever taking a class with me. I mean, no offense, but I probably wouldn't remember if you did. All the Abnegation looked the same to me. I mean, they still do but now you're not one of them." I cringe hoping that it didn't sound too rude. Apparently it did because Tris is staring at me, her eyes wide.

"Sorry, am I being rude?" Here we go, my no-filter making people think I'm weird again. "I'm used to just saying whatever is on my mind. Mom used to say that politeness was just deception in pretty packaging." I may not have fit in but I did believe in majority of the Candor beliefs.

"I think that's why our factions don't usually associate with each other" She says with a laugh. I suppose she is right, I think about our factions as I laugh with her. Candor and Abnegation don't really talk. Ever. I suppose it's because they think that you should tolerate and help everyone. We don't think that. We keep our opinions voiced and our thoughts known. If we don't like someone they would know. That's why we don't like the Amity, they act as if they like everybody, lying to each other to keep the peace. I would rather know what people thought than be friends with them all.

"Can I sit here?" Will asks, tapping his hand on the seat next to me. I know he has been nothing but nice to me but it strikes me as odd that he doesn't want to sit with his own faction. The kids he's grown up with. I mean, I know why I don't want to sit with my faction but the Erudite kids seem okay, for Erudites.

"What, you don't want to hang out with your Erudite buddies?" I hear myself say. I'm not trying to be nosy I just can't help it.

"They aren't my buddies," He puts his place next to me and slumps into the chair. "Just because we were in the same faction doesn't mean we get along. Plus Edward and Maya are dating, and I would rather not be the third wheel."

I consider this and deem it a perfectly reasonable reason to want to sit with us. I look over at the 'happy couple' who appear to be about to kiss. This should be funny, stiff's hate public displays of affection. I watch as they get closer together, pulling into a deep kiss. I look back to Tris, she hissed and avoided looking at the two.

"Do they have to be so _public?_" Tris asks, her red face betraying her embarrassment.

"She just kissed him, It's not like they're stripping naked." At this I hide a laugh; Tris' face goes even redder, whether at the thought or embarrassment, I don't know.

"A kiss is not something you do in public." Tris tells us. I look at her, does she really believe this? Sometimes Stiffs are so weird, do they really not kiss? My first kiss was when I was 10, with some wee nerd in my class. I think he's erudite now.

"What?" Tris asks, that when I realise that all three of us are staring at her in disbelief.

"Your abnegation is showing. The rest of us are alright with a little affection in public."

"Oh. Well… I guess I'll just have to get over it, then."

"Or you can stay frigid." Will says, causing me to smile. "You know, if you want." He says cheekily. I pick up a roll and throw it at him. He needs to give some respect. Even if it is hilarious. He catches it and eats it. Guess I'll have to get another one then.

"Don't be mean to her. Frigidity is in her nature, kind of like how being a know-it-all is in yours."

"I am not _frigid_!" Tris shouts, earning some chuckles.

"Don't worry about it, it's endearing. Look you're all red."

At first Tris looks offended but she soon laughs with us. After all, we all were brought up elsewhere. We all do things or think things that the others don't. Just frigidity isn't anyone elses.

* * *

**So please let me know what you think It makes me happy and gives me the will to continue. Also I will try to answer any questions you may have and any suggestions for next chapters will be taken into account(with credit to you of course). As usual if you want follow me on twitter TheMortalLlama. **

**Bye duckies, love you all xxx**


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